PSYCHOLOGY - ''Adequacy Concerns''

''My Parents, Did Their BEST, With What They Knew.''

---I was born with a thumb as my left-hand, missing four fingers. My heart had a hole between the chambers and I had an underdeveloped digestive tract. When the information was conveyed to my parents, especially to my mom,- they blamed themselves for my condition. That was, basically, the monkeywrench, the wedge, between us.
---I did not understand what was wrong, but from a young age, this is the situation I was trying to fix. I was trying to make something right, but did not have a clue as to what ''it'' happened to be. I knew this as being our relationship. As a matter of fact, this was basically my relationship to everything.
---Correcting this took different forms at different times, but a recurring theme is one of doing things right. And doing what was right to do involved ''knowing'' what was right to do, so learning this was my priority. That is why I Know what I Know, or learned what I learned.

---Women?---

---It took the shape of feeling inadequate at first. This I find to be true in my
relationships to women. I do not know if this was apparent from the outside, but I was spending much of my time in pursuits of being approved of, whether they be friends, parents, friends of my parents, relations or practically anyone or anything that had consciousness. There were also the involvement of what I perceived to be dieties. I would use my ''winning'' ways in whatever I deemed as necessary to get my ''need to be liked'' need met. Especially with the female sex.

---Sex?---

---I would not, however, engage them in a sexual encounter as, exactly whatever reasoning I employed, this is NOT my area of expertise. I did much better in the realm of talking the situation into a different direction that I never really had to expose myself as feeling inadequate on this level. I would either help them or confuse the situation so much, that it ruined any mood that was left. Going to sleep was a much better idea, as they were probably close to exhaustion, anyway, at this point. Be Well.